Ulquichan?
by CacoPhoniA
Summary: Ulquiorra is put on a mission with Grimmjow, who lately insists on calling Ulquiorra "Ulqui-chan." Is  this punishment really punishment...or not?R&R please! *added* this is currently on hiatus...I'm sooorrrrry X
1. Punishment

Ulquiorra stared across the table at the scowling teal-haired seated across from him. He mentally groaned even at his mere presence. Aizen, being an intelligent man, might have noticed the ongoing rivalry between them, but unfortunately, in an act of making peace, had put them in this particular seating arrangement. _'Tr-_'He stopped himself before he could even think the word. Trash was reserved for his fellow Espada, certainly not for Aizen, of all people.

"Oi." Ulquiorra snapped back to reality. He directed his attention to Grimmjow, who had whispered to him. He stared coldly at him.

"Oi, Ulquiorra." Grimmjow repeated, this time with more force. Ulquiorra ignored him, once again turning his attention back to Aizen.

"_Oi! Ulquiorra!" _Grimmjow hissed irritation on the edge of his voice. Ulquiorra closed his eyes. Who on this earth could be any more irritating than Grimmjow?

"What?" he replied, voice barely audible. Grimmjow grinned maniacally, pleased to have gotten his attention.

"Wanna spar after this stupid meeting?" Ulquiorra mentally rolled his eyes. (He would never lower himself to _actually_ rolling them.) Only Grimmjow would interrupt Aizen for a simple question that could be asked afterwards. Ulquiorra continued to ignore him, eyes averted, expression blank. He could practically feel Grimmjow fuming across from him.

"You hear me Ulquiorra?" _Of course I heard you. You're too loud, even when whispering, trash._

Grimmjow's lip curled in sudden epiphany.

"_Ulquiiiiiiii, come Onnnnnnn!_ He whined, putting a hand under his chin, looking very much like a five-year old. Ulquiorra tensed at the horrendous nickname. He was never particularly fond of _any_ type of nickname, especially aimed at him. He turned his head slowly, and sent a Glare of Impending Doom Grimmjow's way. Grimmjow, apparently used to it, grinned.

"Don't call me that."

"What?"

"That offending name."

Grimmjow grinned wider, pleased to have found Ulquiorra's sore spot.

"What, _Ulqui-chan?_ But it fits you so well!" his voice dripped with fake cheer, eyes glinting.

Ulquiorra stared blankly at him, hoping to anger him out of calling him…_Ulqui-chan…_he shuddered mentally.

"Grimmjow, I suggest that you stop calling me that."

"But why?"

Ulquiorra, known for being equipped with witty comebacks, was about to fire one at Grimmjow with missile-like force, until Gin squatted down beside him.

"What are we talking about?" he whispered, trademark creepy smile growing a bit.

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra looked up, suddenly aware of the meeting. Anyone would rather listen to Aizen's ramblings than Gin's riddles and embarrassing comments.

"And now, my dear Espada, I conclude this meeting. Everyone may return to their quarters."

Aizen smiled warmly down at the Espada, who abruptly stood and exited the large white room.

"Oh, Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, please come here."

Ulquiorra immediately obeyed, and Grimmjow turned with an extremely slow speed. A look of boredom/pain was on his face. No doubt he was remembering the arm-chopping experience. For once he thanked Kami that that woman (Ori-jiime? Mori-time? Ahh whatever.) had been there to fix his arm.

" You two, it has come to my attention that today you two were engaged in conversation rather than paying attention to the meeting."

Ulquiorra bowed formally, eyes to the floor.

"Gomen nasai, Aizen-sama."

Grimmjow wanted to vomit.

"Yes, well, you are forgiven, but I suppose some punishment is at hand…"

Grimmjow mentally kicked himself. Why did he have to talk to Ulquiorra today? Why couldn't he have zoned out as usual? Ulquiorra nodded, looking up at the former shinigami.

"Hm. What should it be. Gin? Gin, come here. I 'm having a problem."

Gin popped up from under the table, causing Grimmjow to jump.

"Holy crap…" he muttered under his breath, running a hand through his too-blue hair.

Gin smiled. (Then again, when does he not?)

"Of course, Aizen-sama. What is it you need?"

Aizen smiled.

"Well, I'm having trouble deciding on a proper punishment for these two."

Gin smiled.

"Easy. Send them to the Real World To spend a day there."

Grimmjow's mouth fell open. Please not that.

Okay I am gonna TRY to finish this….But I dunno should it be a romance thingy or humor thingy….I need reviews to stay alive! Please R&R!


	2. Extended Punishment

Of course he was in this situation. He was Grimmjow Jeagerjauques, Sexta Espada, and notorious for his absolutely terrible luck. And it showed, considering he was here, in the Real World, with Ulquiorra Schiffer of all people. The two were sent to Karakura town, and so far it had been an absolute BORE. Grimmjow pondered the possible ways to amuse himself, and what do you know, there was his source of amusement. Ulquiorra sat above him on a park wall, somehow having perched himself there. They had changed from their Espada uniforms to human clothes, and Ulquiorra, (being himself) had chosen a black and green striped tight shirt, super-tight black skinny jeans, and checkered Toms. _Stupid Emo boy._

"Hey. Ulqui-chan."

Ulquiorra sighed in exasperation; he seemed beyond composed right now.

"Grimmjow I asked you politely not to call me that. Could you comply?"

"_Could you comply?"_ he mocked, pursing his lips.

"Don't mock me."

"Mocking can be seen as a compliment, _Ulqui-chaaaaan." _ He grinned wide, it was great, great fun making the green-eyed younger angry. Probably the best amusement since Las Noches had gotten Comedy Central.

"When it's you mocking me it is hardly seen as a compliment, Trash. And I hate that nickname."

"But you call me Trash. That, right there is a nickname."

"No it's not."

"Well, you almost never call me Grimmjow; it's always 'Trash.'

"Nicknames are a form of endearment, and I assure you, Trash is not an endearing term when I direct it towards you."

Grimmjow raised his eyebrows, wiggling them. Ulquiorra just set himself up.

"Oh? Well how do I know it's not?"

Ulquiorra rolled his emerald eyes. (Yuki: Whoa not mentally X3)

"Please."

Grimmjow grinned super-wide. How could Ulquiorra not notice what he was saying? He was so _easy_ to torment!

"Aww, Ulqui-chan, did you just say _please_? I didn't know it was in your vocabulary!"

"Enough with the nickname!"

Grimmjow chuckled.

"I'll tell you what, Ulqui, you're way too much fun to mess with."

Ulquiorra scowled, a bit past the common blank stare. Maybe the Real World was having an effect on his facial expressions and moods. He sighed, looking at the paved ground below him.

"Grimmjow?"

"Yes, Ulqui?"

Ulquiorra closed his eyes, ignoring the stupid nickname.

"I'm bored. Can we go do something besides sitting in the park?"

Grimmjow feigned shock.

"Whoa! Ulquiorra, bored? Shocker!"

Ulquiorra sighed again, jumping off the concrete wall. He steadied himself-the gigai was hard to move in-and began to walk off in a random direction. Anything would be better than sitting there with the idiot Trash. Grimmjow raised an eyebrow. Seriously? Where'd he think he was going? Ulquiorra was smart, but he had absolutely had no sense of direction. That had been proven when Ulquiorra was "born."

"_You. Can you tell me where my room is?"_

_Grimmjow curled his lip. The new green-eyed Espada looked so weird, with that albino skin and his emerald eyes, not to mention the cyan tear-like tracks down his two cheeks. He stared up at Grimmjow from his short stature._

"_Yea, I know where it is, but why should I tell you, newbie?"_

_Ulquiorra wrinkled his nose and glared._

"_Never mind, I'll find it myself."_

_Grimmjow smirked._

"_How? You don't even know your way around yet!"_

_Ulquiorra had turned, eyes now cold and stony._

"_I'll manage, Trash." _

And so the dreaded dubbing of "Trash" had been bestowed upon Grimmjow. Explaining the bad sense of direction? Ulquiorra had found his room, but only after four hours of searching. Afterwards he'd had trouble remembering where it was, and had even managed to get lost outside of the Palace, where Nnoitora and Grimmjow had found him wandering the cold barren wasteland.

"Oi! Ulquiorra, where do you think you're going? You don't even know this place!" Grimmjow called out, slight amusement flickering in his eyes. Ulquiorra turned, looking over his shoulder, as if to say _Come on, idiot._ Grimmjow sighed, pushing himself off the wall. Might as well follow him. Nothing else to do.

"Alright, I'm coming. Where to?"

He fell in step with Ulquiorra, who was slouching, hands in his pockets as he walked.

"I don't know. I was just thinking.."

"About what?"

"Where to go."

"So where to?"

"What?"

"Where to go."

"Where to go?"

"Yes."

"You're confusing me."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Oh. I was going to say that maybe we should go to Kurosaki's."

Grimmjow grinned maniacally.

"To fight 'im?"

"No."

Grimmjow sighed.

"What're we gonna do then? Sit around and sip tea and chat like ladies?" Seriously? Only Ulquiorra would think of NOT fighting the enemy, and to just sit around and _talk _of all things!

"No. Since we're here on punishment, I was thinking about submitting ourselves to the endless rambling of humans. An…extension of it, so to speak."

Grimmjow groaned. _Extending punishment?_ Who on this Earth would think of extending their own punishment?

"If you want to do that, we could go to a mall and just walk around if we wanna listen to ramblings of humans."

Ulquiorra looked up at him quizzically.

"A…mall?"

Grimmjow, surprised, arched his blue eyebrows. How clueless could you get? He grinned slowly.

"Want me to show ya?"

This would be fun.

**Gyaaa! Another chapter all done! Sorry they are so short…I'm a beginner, so forgive me! I should've wrote all day, but I just get urges to write at the oddest times. Anyway, I'll try to get in a chapter tomorrow…or next week. ^^'' Ehehheh… Well, that's that! Rate and review PLEASE! **

**-Yuki**


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